So a tendon on the underside of my hip/pelvis joint seems to have overextended sometime in the last week or so. I know it's not a pinched nerve because it's only in one spot, and I can still function. When my dad had a pinched nerve he could barely move the affected leg.

My hip pops out of joint easily as is, though it's usually not enough to hurt, just enough to feel really damned weird. It keeps pinching the overstretched tendon on a contracted, tensed movement, i.e. leg goes back kind of movement, if I'm not careful. Extending the joint and tendon carefully and as much as possible seems to put things back where they should be, though, and makes this merely annoying.

Stupid physiology.

Hey squink; Bond (villain) with Lapis, or Magician card? I'll probably do sketches for both, but which sounds better to you? :)

I came across a thread, on some 'Kin forum somewhere I was tooling around on trying to find a specific meditation, and the thread was on 'what are Your symbols?'. Someone's response was that they were leery about posting them, because they didn't want to get summoned, lol, and all, but it made me think. Self-invocation and -evocation...So many possibilities.

Some of you now think I'm crazy. Or crazier. But the rest of you, think about it. 'Know thyself', and all. Write yourself a Goetia entry, or a version of the LBRP based not on the archangels, but parts of yourself. How would the ancient Greeks or Sumerians or Japanese have called on you at a ceremony? (Wow. Firefox's spellcheck doesn't recognize 'Sumerians'. Or 'spellcheck', for that matter.)

It could be wankery, but it also could be a powerful tool for self-exploration. For me? Well, I want my Shadowrun Future, and I'm a big proponent of being that which you want to see in the world, not just the change, but representing and transforming yourself into everything you want your Universe to be, and making it happen by your interaction thereof. I've been slacking a lot on this, recently.

And that's your morning Crazy. I need to get something in my stomach besides coffee, now.

PS: Speaking of breakfast, I may not have work this week at all. Pass along the commission infos to whomever might be interested, please? I like sammiches.

Went to drop off my app. for the Vortex hosting job...and received an on-the-spot interview. It went better than any of the other interviews I've had, though I've got a lack of any restaurant experience working against me. They said I'd know if I got it by eight pm. tonight, so I'm pretty sure they went with someone with more experience. I feel like I accomplished something solely by trying, because I've been internally torn on whether or not I could do this (both the app and the job) all week.

"The night is my nudity
the stars are my teeth
I throw myself among the dead
dressed in white sunlight"

Georges Bataille

Found on the Irr. transitional board. It sings right.

Also, yoinked from dragonrose1125

The Winking Eyes of Az'ra-il,
One open wide for ev'ry Soul,
Cast forth their stare upon each life:
An eyeliad of burning coal.
And with each death an eye doth close,
As Winter's Hand plucketh Summer's Rose.
Our Lives are done, yet Our Sight is whole.

- Andrew Chumbley

Bwahaha...Breakfast time. (Edit: The top one is a link to even more win.)

I weigh roughly 140 pounds, according to the bag-thing at the airport that I climbed on when we dropped raoin's fiancee off to ship his ass to China. (It was 2:30am. Yes, we're hooligans. What??) I'm 5'1" at most. Looking at myself in a mirror, I am in the best damned shape I've been in for a while. I have visible biceps and probably triceps, without even trying to make them stand out. I'm getting abs, and my butt has side-dents again. But my knee-jerk reaction to that number was to feel ashamed, and looking up my BMI (26) puts me on the higher end of overweight, closer to obese. WTF is wrong with this picture?

I want more canvas; I've got sketches for two or three more of the Qliphotic Series that's apparently really wanting Out. I don't know if I can afford those two or three, let alone the eight or nine necessary to finish the whole bloody thing. And again, that attention, from all I've heard about working with those beings and energies, is something that makes me a little nervous.

Anyone around here ever have more luck than me, i.e. any, at editing out canvas texture from scans? Apparently it makes prints terrible and pretty much unsellable. I'm using OpenCanvas at the moment, and so far it looks like I'm fucked until I have a machine that can run Photoshop again. Blur tool helps, but doesn't fix it.

My mom is plotting a trip down here to visit, probably June, maybe July. I talked to her today, and tried calling my grandmom, but she was apparently out.

I have been offered tattoos in exchange for artwork. I have been plotting different ideas since I received this proposition. The major one is the kind-of angelic script sleeve I've been plotting for a looong time now. There are others, but this...I've finally figured out a way to do it, and that's in pieces. Figuring out single components, and either bringing them in one at a time, or doing the same on paper and then bringing in whole chunks of it. (I know it's not 'really' angelic script, before someone gets to that first. It's not Enochian, or the Malakim alphabet, or Hebrew. It's something that came to me during a period of very intense inner work, in that very simplified fashion, though I knew it to be more, somehow. Sound, light and shadow, shape, motion. Information.)

I need to dye my hair again, soon. :/

I'm rethinking my goals. That's a whole other post for later, when I finish this damned commission that's been sitting at the edge of my attention for a while now, waving and mooning me, and hoping I see it.

I woke up today, and the toilets were fixed. Turns out that this house is old enough that some of the pipes are still made of cast iron, and highly prone to deposits. The water downstairs is also primarily just water, and not the toxic stew it could have become, as the ick remained lodged in the pipes and just the water overflowed. We're still waiting on the cleaners, but the bathrooms function again.

I got more sleep than I thought I would, but didn't get to sleep until about six. Woke up for good at eleven-thirty, and I'm very glad I canceled work for today. Got back my deposit from the old place, and though most of it is going to D to repay this month's rent here, the sixty-or-so difference makes me able to wait until next week, as the only bill I'm waiting on is my credit card.

And on top of this, a box of awesome, courtesy of sammaelhain and ceilede showed up on my doorstep not a half hour ago. I now have an asston of comics to read, some audiobooks and dvds burned to disc to listen to and watch. I may try to pass out on my face for a little bit longer, though. Things are still kind of...squirrely...in my brain.

The downstairs half-bathroom is flooding anytime water drains anywhere else in the house. There is a roughly ten-foot-around, half-inch-deep puddle on BOTH SIDES OF THE WALL, around where the bathroom is.

Plumber's supposed to be here at ten. If it's Glenn's buddy, who 'fixed' the fucking upstairs toilet on Tuesday, and likely caused this in the meantime, I'm going to hurt both of them. Then I'm going to watch D's mom, who is a fucking property lawyer as well as a minister, and has served the gov't of DC as the former in the past, eat him for breakfast.

I'm upstairs so I don't watch him, and get angrier.

Found my mom on the Interwebs, while looking up her maiden name, trying to find other family members in Sweden. Apparently there are only three death records of people with that last name, at least via the free search I found, two of which are my grandparents, and a total of four naturalizations under that name, three on this coast. But that's my mom's picture, there, for anyone who's (morbidly) curious.

I also apparently have a relative who's written a handful of books. I don't remember if she's my mom's aunt or cousin.

I'm tired as fuck, and bored, and a trip to Buford Highway for soy sauce and rice and a few other things went wrong and terrible in every traffic way possible short of us getting in an accident. There was a car on 285 that looked like it had flipped, been cut in half, and then set aflame. The stranger part was that there was no sign of what had done or caused that. Nothing.

Time to go figure out dinner.

Saw this guy lurking in the backyard earlier, after wondering what was making the squirrels and birds flip their collective shit.

Applying for a job at The Vortex, L5P, as a hostess. Woohoo?

Trying to figure out how to let the landlord know that the hundred he offered me is barely worth the pain-in-the-ass of the wallpaper removal, let alone the painting I have yet to do. I should find out how much this normally would have garnered, had I been an actual, experienced contractor, and go from there.

The character map helps me find neat things. Like the aleph.

I'm in a weird place, today. Dissatisfied, restless. I want more out of everything around me, and myself. I want to be more than this hairless meat-monkey. I'm sick of feeling normal and boring, slow and merely human. I want to engage and connect and interface, more than I have been, but on what, I'm not sure. I just want to feel less...plodding and like a blunt tool. Like I'm part of the complexity and brilliance around me, and not just observing. Razor-sharp and electric, ice-clear and burning.

Aleph and Null. That concept is important, in this. Set of all natural numbers, i.e., that infinity which has not been fucked with. A pure major tone. I'm not sure how it fits, but it keeps twitching at me, stuck in my head.

Dreamed of Portland, last night, of being lost and torn between needing to be home soon and meeting people. Rushing places. A gas station, some buses or trains. Crossroads-places. Nexii. think popjellyfish was there, in the background, directing something.

Finished. Time to get dressed, maybe. I've got to try and get the under-paper off of the downstairs bathroom, come up with a small commission for someone on DA, redraw a tattoo I've been wanting for a while, and maybe start on Hastur. Might do that first thing while I'm still in my pjs.

meta4life, did you still want that commission, btw?

New NIN album, free to download.

Breakfast!

Tired.

Finished the Azathoth painting. Mostly. Need to look at it fresh in the morning.

Feeling a need to be more...attentive to others, actively. Take an interest, make myself say things where I usually would just avoid it out of fear of being awkward and embarrassing myself. It doesn't matter, most times, if you're good at expressing those things; it really is the thought that counts, and at that point, the thought is about that other person. I feel like too often I'm selfish, or self-centred, in my interactions, in some ways.

I'm now going to mention my appreciation for a household where I can mention having an altar without fear of weirdness.

I really, really want homemade blueberry pancakes, with actual blueberries, just a little butter, and syrup. I've been craving it since The Simpsons, earlier. Or ice cream. I'm out of ice cream, therefore I want it. :P

Time for bed.

Hahahaha. I made an 'OMG I LUV U ALL' drunk post. :)

I've had maybe six hours of sleep, at best, but for some reason I'm UP.

Time for breakfast.

I've had whiskey, which is apparently what my Drunk wants tonight. I've had mint julep (FUCKING YUM.), and Jack-and-Coke, and 12-year-old Jameson's. Among other things.

I hope to meet a lot of you, the Portland people, very soon. A lot of you, in general and along with as well as Other than the Portland people, have proven to me that people don't. as a rule, suck.

Thank you.

Back to the drunken masses!@21

Azphodel. (It's a MySpace, with audio. Delicious.)

Any of you Portland kids know how I can get their cds? I didn't see any links off of there to do so.

Also, a link I forgot to transfer to the desktop. Barbelith thread. Occult and other PDF's for the harvesting.

I have a great workspace now. Forgot to mention this yesterday, but I don't have to choose between having all the music on wolven's compy available to me, and using my desk. Long headphone cords are useful sometimes.

For those coming over tonight, the QT around the corner (Indian Creek Drive? Memorial/Stone Mountain?) is seriously ghetto. Avoid it.

It's a nice, quiet day so far, grey and cooler, which I'm completely okay with. I'm going to try and exercise and get dressed a lot sooner than I did yesterday; things need to get done and I don't want to be sitting around in my pj's when people show up, tonight. I'm also not going to start working on the bathroom downstairs until Monday, when the party is done and cleaned-up-after. I could, but I don't want to leave a half-done job and a bunch of tools and paint in there for drunks to mess around with. Though I may finish taking down the last of the wallpaper, at least.

There have been some spider encounters here, the most notable of which was the one that was heavily with-egg-sac, that Joker wanted very badly to eat or kick around or both. All of them were pretty fucking large, and I'd never seen a spider carrying it's eggs until then. Ew.

Mirror-meditation last night. Who said hi?

I started some new art, more Arkham Horror-borne pieces; Hastur and Azathoth. I've got both inked, and started on colouring the latter. I'm waiting for Nyarlathotep to show up when we play. I can then use wolven as a model. XD

Worked out. I found a mirror in the closets here, among the shit the landlord dubbed fair game, and it perfectly fits this big-ass ornate gold frame I've been trying to find something to do with since ganking it from Tower. SO, I has a mirror. It's useful; I can watch my yoga and stuff, and make sure I'm doing it (relatively) right. I can also use it to check my posture and such while meditating, and mirrors are good for a lot of arcane fun. Just look at the stories. :)

So what if I just got dressed? I got shit done. :P